my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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