i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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