why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
