I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
