do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
