My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize