So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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