you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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