it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
