Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
