This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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