dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
