So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
