If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
