i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
