I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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