I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
