I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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