I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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