Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
