Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
