"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
