i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
