Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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