your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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