Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am naked and annoyed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
