dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
