it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
