I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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