one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize