I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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