I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
