If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
