you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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