so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
