what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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