so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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