Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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