I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
