when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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