Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
