If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize