With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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