trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
