if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
