And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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