I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
