$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
