I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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