The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
