He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
