Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
