Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize