but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
