I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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