I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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