I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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