U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
