Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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