he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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