I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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