a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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