im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize