what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize