u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
