I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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