Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
