Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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