first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
