were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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