i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
