so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
