It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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