next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize