I just pynch a tree in the face
my sisters under your porch take her home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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