I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
