I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
