Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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