I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
