Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
