I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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