Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
