so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize