He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
