Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
