i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I love you. Go after that dick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
